The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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