It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
