just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
