dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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