So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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