Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
