OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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