so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
