i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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