I wish I only lived at night.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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