Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize