You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
