I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
