You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize