i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
