You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
