i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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