Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
