The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
