He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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