I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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