I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
