Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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