I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
