the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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