I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
