btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
