what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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