I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
