OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
