I wish I only lived at night.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
