he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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