my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
