I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
