I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize