I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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