he puts the penis in happiness.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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