we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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