No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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