I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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