Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
