I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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