Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
