you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
