every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
