Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
