he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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