you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
