Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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