I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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