Got a toothbrush?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
