forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
