I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
