dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
