Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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