He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
