Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
