Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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