I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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