just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
