She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
