Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
