he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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