He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
