A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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