im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
