i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
