I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
