My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
