go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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