Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize